8/15/24 Live Session Recording

Hi, this is Younghee lowrie. I think this is where I am supposed to drop my comments on the last recording.

Great lecture on Branhmachrya. This week I started my first week in California State Prison, which is a level 4 prison. I am the first wave of LMFT's to be able to work in a Prison. As far as being," addicted," to money or privilege,  I already have felt it with the psychologists who work there  have shared that the presence of LMFTs is not exactly welcomed due to when the staff there is short-staffed historically, they receive significant raises.  So some of the mental health staff are not thrilled with our presence.

Men there, do not seem happy, as they share the , " more women," the harder there job is.  Already, I observed that although the prison is in a suburb of Sacramento with all the middle-class signifiers such as nice houses, green lawns, expensive yoga studios ect. Once you go into the prison, it is mostly brown people who work there. 

This tells me a story of immigration.  It is a difficult and stressful job to work at a prison, and I cannot imagine working there my entire life. Thus that is my privilege to have access to an education that allows me to dip in and out of different realities.  The staff is in a paranoid schizoid environment.  We have been told that just being a woman, we are or could be liabilities. As there are many stories that," women," there get, and are " walked off," due to falling in love with the inmates. 

I was already instructed to," not look or talk to the inmates," as it would draw attention and make people suspicious of me.  Even asking clinical questions such as, "How can I build rapport if I can only see clients for 15 minutes once a month?" Every question I have asked has been regarded as a threat to the status quo. 

It brought up a lot of empathy as well as dread.   As a clinician, I believe it is my honor to hold the story of the client, to bear witness to their humanity. How can I do that if I look away? I brought up that I was taking this training, ( Prison yoga), and quickly learned to keep that to myself.  Everyone seems scared and paranoid and this is the norm there.  As I reflect, I think I find myself in these jobs because it replicates my family growing up and I know I can survive.  Where everyone is a suspect, and keeping to one's self is survival. I will try to hold on to my hope and curiosity as long as I can. 

Outside of the prison, I see the convenience and addiction all around me. Target, Walmart, and so many restaurants, everywhere you Drive in every strip mall there is shit to buy and distractions to have. 

Thanks Younghee for what you are doing. Your work is incredibly important. Prison culture is a huge challenge, as you note not just among the residents but among staff as well. For the inmates, it will take some time for them to let their guard down enough to let you in. Please be patient. I had the privilege last year of attending a graduation at CSP-Solano for nine lifers who were trained by Anna Proctor to become certified yoga instructors. They offered really meaningful insight into how they were at first scorned and mocked for what they were doing; rather than reacting, they took the lessons of yoga to heart, and as months progressed they noticed an opening and a curiosity from the other inmates, who saw that these yoga students were learning to be better, wiser, more insightful men. (If you watch the recent movie "The 50" you will see a similar effect for inmates at CSP who studied to become certified Drug & Alcohol counselors.) Know that what you are doing will work in the long run, and don't let the short term negative reactions impair your commitment to the work.

As to prison staff, that is a different challenge. There are any number of reasons why you see so much cruelty and small-mindedness in prisons. As someone who worked at CMF 40 years ago before law school (around the time that Phillip Zimbardo was doing the Stanford Prison Project) I carried a lot of anger for the staff who were contemptuous of the inmates. We know much better now that these prison management practices are not trauma-informed. But we also need to know that much of that staff behavior is the result of their own trauma. You are correct about prisons being paranoid schizoid - some of the staff you will see self-selected for that work because it appealed to their troubled souls. They rationalize their brutality by asserting that prisons are there to punish; therefore it is OK for them to cause pain and extinguish the joy they see in the inmates. But the majority of staff will eventually see the value in your work. Staff will be safer and their jobs will feel more productive as a result your efforts to bring yoga to CDCR.

Please hang in there and feel free to vent with your fellow California PYP partners.....

@young-hee-heegmail-com Thank you so much for your work and willingness to share the experiences your are having and observing. Thank you also to Dan for sharing additional insight and support of your experience serving in California facilities.

@danhealy Thank you Dan for your words of encouragement and your own experience. I showed up today, and I was with 4 other women but none of them came back.  Your work sounds amazing! Very inspiring. Thank you!

Thank you Jen for your continued amazing teaching and connecting with us as students. 

Hi all,

Younghee and Dan, thank you for sharing your thoughts. As someone who has volunteered in prisons for about 5 years now in a variety of different facilities, I have witnessed similar environments and confrontations and skepticisms. As Dan said, keep at it and don't let that wear on your soul as you do important and necessary work. I thought that what you said Younghee, "Every question I have asked has been regarded as a threat to the status quo" actually points to the reason working and volunteering in facilities is so important. These spaces are designed to make people feel invisible and less than human. To bring a sense of humanity into that space literally threatens the status quo and the foundational principles that bolsters prisons in the U.S. Challenging those norms and confronting them head on is so important to creating transformation and true healing and societal change. Keep up the great work - I'm inspired and learn so much from all the folks at PYP.

In regards to Brahmacharya, this lesson really solidified so much of what I see in my day to day, in my family, in our society, politics, consumerism, etc. Even in my own self, recognizing how excess can feel safe and give a false sense of security has been a pretty huge revelation for me. I think we are taught to live in scarcity mindsets as a function of capitalism, of course, and this principle is antithetical to our structures and frameworks in the U.S. As all principles, this applies to so many aspects within yoga and outside of it and I am inspired to continue living this principle and striving to examine non-excess in all realms. I've also heard Brahmacharya interpreted as celibacy. I appreciate PYP's discussion around it as non-excess, which can be applied in the realm of sex and pleasure, but to broaden the understanding for all aspects of life and on a socio-cultural level. Grateful for this teaching.

Thanks,

Mimi

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences in facilities. I work for the California Department of State Hospitals. Younghee, I am very close to you! Although, the hospital is very different from a prison, there are still some that have a punitive culture to them and it is difficult to navigate. Younghee, I am assuming you are at one of the Folsom prisons and I have heard they are incredibly difficult to work at, not to mention a very popular podcast that just reported on the culture. I hope you can find a support system with other LMFTs or LCSWs. Try to find the recreation therapists! We are typically a welcoming crowd! I am curious, are you going to be able to facilitate yoga classes within CDCR? I toured the Mule Creek location during my internship when I was looking at facilities to apply to, and was informed women are no longer able to facilitate yoga classes within CDCR. I would be interested to know if this is correct within all the California prisons? 

I enjoyed the discussion of non-excess, especially as it related to rumination, being as this is a personal excess of mine. I have been using non-harm to try to combat the intrusive thought patterns I have. 

I'm having difficulty with the strength and mobility postures and have gotten to the point where I feel I am in over my head with the training, not coming from a yoga background. It is difficult to learn the poses and adaptations to build competency and teach them. Using chairs within the practice isn't really accessible in my facility, unless the entire class was "chair yoga." We have no throw chairs for safety reasons so they are incredibly heavy and not easy to move around. Also, many of them have arm rests that don't make them accessible for many postures. A sequence would be very similar to the provided in the video - start in easy seated, move into cat/cow, warrior I with lateral flexions, warrior II with lateral flexions, triangle then staff pose. I am unsure what to provide during the sequence when moving from left to right as our chairs are not able to be moved around like the one utilized in the videos. 

@mimikhealygmail-com Hi Mimi,

I have been told different things. One man said they had," tried that program," but it did not work.  Another person said, I am not allowed to do a program that involves Yoga, if I can find a volunteer to  do the" moves, then maybe."

I am the first wave of LMFT's to be able to work in a prison and many of the psychologists there are unhappy because it could block them from getting a raise.  However, it's clear they are understaffed and one would think they might want the help.  But they say to my face" because of you, we won't get our raise."  I do not take this personally. I started with 7 LMFT's 5 did not make it through the first week.  I have stopped mentioning any programs or even asking questions about clinical issues such as, "How can you hold a space of hope for someone who is in prison for the rest of their life?" Many of my honest questions have been met with a quick subject change.  However, I am too new to form any opinions about the staff.  It seems everyone is reacting to various lawsuits. 

I have started listening to the podcast," On Our Watch," which is horrifying, so I stopped as I am currently lying in bed, exhausted. I need to be careful of any story I start creating or I will not be able to last there.  I just take things day to day.  I don't want to give in to the looming sense of dread.  

So far, being in a prison environment has reminded me on how fucking awesome my life is.  I feel very grateful for my life, which is radiant with colors, animals, friends, organic food, music, mountains, and cleanliness. Prisons are colorless and filthy, and there is a constant feeling of paranoia and stress.  Also, You see how young some of the incarcerated people are and it is a struggle to believe humanity exists there.

I see how much I take for granted, and so far, this is the gift after my first two weeks. 

I am not given much information, as I assume they want me to quit or I won't make it.  I have compassion for this attitude as I have worked for the county and on a lesser scale, similar.  You train someone and then they quit. It's a lot of energy.  My point of view is very different from the general Forensic psychologist who honestly, reminds me more of cops. I am trying to prove myself right now.  I also see the story of immigration and poverty there, the obvious hierarchy, and the knowledge that my contract is only for a year.  I can't imagine being a guard who is sending money back to his /her family and has no choice but to stay in an extremely stressful job for 20 plus years. I see how whistle-blowing is a sophies choice for many.  Hopefully, this week I will be cleared to have a case load. However, the other MFT who started in July was dumped with 40 people, told to present them to staff and lawyers without meeting any of her clients. Sounds like a sandbag to me.   

I am so grateful for all the support I have received from this community. I think this job suits me in some ways, as I am older, independent, and human with no kids or partner, a long history of being very physical and scared via climbing, paragliding, and soloing. ie, get dopamine through stress and suffering. I think it would be harder if I had to show up for someone at the end of the day.  To answer your question though, I do not know.  I plan to continue in the prison yoga project, and after I am certified, have proved myself to the prison that I am solid, then ask this community what the next step is. So far, I have just been trying to survive there. I love the challenge. I feel awake with curiosity.

Sorry, I responded to the wrong person and I keep on going on and on about myself.  I will try to keep this more relevant to the lesson. 

What a powerful presentation and discussion. thank you all for sharing your experiences and for the impactful work that you do!

i found the thought experiment of exploring personal excess a powerful reminder of privilege and the consumerism driven society we live in. I like to think of myself as someone who does not 'live in excess' and this self reflection has given me a chance to challenge that and grow in my daily practices to live in abundance without living in excess  

@kdubois09gmail-com Thank you for sharing your thought on the strength and mobility sections. For the remaining time of the program, we will be focusing much more on cultivating your facilitator tool box of sequences that you may wish to share. We will also consider options with and without chairs, or when the props are non-existent but additional support would still benefit the participants. I am also happy to share time with you during office hours to explore any additional questions or to support you to create practices more customized to the population you serve.

@jen-lindgren Thank you! I have booked an appointment during office hours and am looking forward to cultivating my toolbox!

@young-hee-heegmail-com I'm sorry this has been your experience! Working in a forensic setting can be incredibly challenging, but I find strength and community within my coworkers and the small changes I see in patients. I hope you can make it work for you, it sounds like you would be an incredible asset for the folks you are serving!

@kdubois09gmail-com thank you so much.