8/22/24 Live Session Recording

Wow what a great lesson! huge gratitude for those who shared their lived experiences and embodiments of these concepts - your vulnerability is beautiful!

I really found the conversations on the chakra system and how it ties into our nervous system (and the links to ACES on our charka and nervous system). I am looking forward to lisas workshop on the chakra system. it is something i often hear about in yoga spaces but that i haven't explored deeply and i am so curious to learn more

Practicing non-attachment can be really difficult for folks that have experienced trauma. We speak so often of "letting things go" but it can be really difficult to actually allow it to happen. One of the best tools I can think of to actually practice this, is to ask ourselves, is this causing me harm? Also, what am I stealing from myself by not letting go? I enjoyed learning about the chakras, there is so much information about them swirling around in healing communities. However, it was also quite overwhelming for me because all of mine are blocked in one way or another. As someone with a chronic illness, it really puts into perspective just how out of sync my body really is. It gets overwhelming, because where is someone supposed to start when trying to unblock these? I would hope anyone who provides information of chakras with students also has this information so someone isn't left frustrating and wondering where to begin. 

Aparigraha has been my main focus these last couple weeks. And I feel it working. In my notes from the recording I wrote "HOW MUCH LONGER AM I GOING TO PUNISH MYSELF". This idea / realization was exactly what I have been needing. A huge realization that that's all I do. I am attached to addiction. But also attached to punishing myself and shaming myself for the addictions. Two layers of hurt and shame to most things I do. And I never saw it. Thinking I will be more deserving of things "after I lose weight" ... or "after I get through this" etc. I realized my barriers to letting go are FEAR and SELF DOUBT. But I am really leaning into the characteristics that have always allowed myself to survive. And even if there is shame related to some of these, finding absolute gratitude in it as well. 

The chakra lesson is one of my new favs. I lead a meditation / visualization for my teens, and I have been able to add some juicy tidbits from the slides. The adverse childhood and chakra info is just such good info. Grateful for the lesson.

My friend recently shared a quote with me about our response about what happens when we are nervous that I'm going to paraphrase, " being nervous does not mean you are not ready, it means you care deeply about an experience that is bigger than you, it does not mean you are unprepared but rather you care so start to think about the things that could go right instead of the things that could go wrong." When I read the quote on the first slide, "what if you fall, but darling what if you fly?" feels very aligned with this other idea that I have been using as a guideline over the last few weeks. I notice I have a tendency to grasp onto the feeling of not being prepared and that my innate response is to hide and turn away rather than lean in and show up. My experience teaching weekly yoga classes have been a mirror to my process because I notice that prior to teaching a class I spend a lot of time feeling unprepared and mentally searching for excuses to not teach yet more often than not I have shown up anyways to teach. Being a teacher in this way has provided me with a framework of  accountability that is supportive to my relationship/response to fear and being nervous that I have not experienced before. Teaching is very much teaching me what it means to "show up" instead of turn away and hide. This example goes beyond teaching but these quotes are a reminder that I have an opportunity to transform the thoughts I have about feeling unprepared and finding excuses into time spent preparing, planning, and getting curious about something. This is very much part of my own yoga practice. 

In relation to Aparigraha, I see this as an invitation for myself to let go of not feeling ready and not feeling equipped and to lean into the opportunity in front of me whatever that may be at the time. I do feel this pattern I have is a barrier to myself from myself and the essence of each of these quotes feels like a good foundation for repairing and deepening this relationship with myself. 

These words that you shared Jen, "where is harm, what is true for you, and what do you actually need" feel fitting to carry into the next few weeks as an evolution to my yoga practice and practice with letting go. 

It was also beautiful to witness Tosha share her truths and for Lisa to share what her experience is like to witness Tosha in this space. Those kinds of interactions remind me of the importance of being in community and practicing in community.