8/24/23 Live Session Recording

During the 20-minute movement session, I recognized the incredible feeling of letting go after having my arms up for that short duration and slowly letting them down.  To a greater affect in contrast, the feeling of letting go when I was brought into a room at the prison and no one told me what happened, when I guessed that my brother had died, when no one disagreed, I understood that my statement was correct and this feeling came over me, like a release.  I felt a feeling of happiness for my brother who was struggling through mental illness, drug addiction and much trauma.  I felt a feeling of calm when I told my appellate lawyer I no longer wanted to go through with the appeal to my case and I was going to take accountability and accept the sentence I received.  I felt feelings of attachment when I was told my house was getting sold and I was not going to receive anything from it and that my belongings were taken by numerous people, and I have no idea what is left.  I understand, after a long reflection, self-study and connecting with God, the eternal blessings I seek puts in perspective the material possessions I once treasured are meaningless compared to eternal blessings.

I have been practicing non-attachment for about 18 months now through all of these things that have happened.  It has served a great purpose for me.  I use these thoughts in business and personal interactions and interpersonal relationships.

I am in the beginning stages of studying the chakra system.  I see how Yoga benefits nervous system regulation and the many aspects of unblocking these systems to living our best life.

Hello everyone.  When watching the recording, I really loved how Eric brought up the out-breath as letting go and how the out-breath used another being, such as plants.  It is a really lovely and exciting thought to think about how letting go of things we do not need has the potential to nourish someone else.  I recently had to make the decision to let go of a volunteer opportunity because the atmosphere was starting to become toxic, with organizers above me feeling entitled to my work and trying to make their authority over me a big thing.  It was scary for me to let go because I was afraid another opportunity might not come for me, and letting go potentially would slow down my plans for other things.  I thought, however, that overall, there may be more benefit to me letting go in terms of releasing excess stress, but also, it is possible that this opportunity may serve someone else better.  I hope that releasing this will benefit myself, the other organizers, and any future person who will take on my role.  I will also benefit by honoring and strengthening my own boundaries.  I also am learning to let go of feeling guilty and bad for not living up to the expectations of others, whether those expectations were appropriate or not.

I don't know how I feel about the chakra system.  It is interesting to see the overlap between body function and chakra, but right now, I am not sure it makes enough sense to me that I can use it, if that makes sense.

When I was watching this recording I had a lot of connections of the material to my own life, experiences, and injuries.

The first part of the lecture that really hit close to home was discussing the idea of letting who who/where/how I should be. I feel many times I hold myself back by putting the ideas and expectations of external forces on myself. For example, I initially started this training and was thinking to myself "After I complete this training, I will provide a yoga group on the unit". When in my undergraduate degree I used to think to myself "Once I lose some weight my teachers will cast me in more pieces". I also really related to the conversation about taking "excess" training to feel ready to serve. I was really struck by the words from Marina when she stated, "When am I going to tell myself I am ready". Other's and society's expectations have played a part of my life for quite some time. This conversation reminded I need to not wait or delay myself from opportunities, but rather I need to practice more mindfulness and make decisions based on my current needs in this moment and this time.

Another part of this lecture I really related to was the discussion of releasing our expectations, hopes, and aspirations for others. This comes into play as a person who has let others place their expectations on me and changed my behavior and choices based on this in the past and as a person who is in a helping profession and wants to see the best for my patients. This really comes into play when my patients are readmitted to the hospital. In the three years I have been at my job, I have seen at least 6 patients I worked with directly return to my unit and other names I recognize go to other units at the hospital. I heard an alarming statistic that our hospital has a 70% recidivism rate for our incompetent to stand trial folks. When I began to notice this pattern, I became discouraged. I hold compassion, empathy, and hope for my patients and seeing them return is hard and does bring up a sense of disappointment. It also brings up a feeling of disappointment in the system as well as a thought that what I am doing is not effective. This feeling can cause burnout and at the end of the day I as a single person cannot change the system or make my patients act in ways that will keep them out of facilities. I can control myself, but I cannot control these large systems and individual people so integrating Aparigraha into my practice would be a gentle way of reminding myself of this and changing my outlook.

I was very interested in looking at the chakra systems and the difficulties I face. When looking at the graphics areas in which I have pain including my sacrum and back were related to areas I have difficulty such as feeling a lack of control/anxiety and difficulty with change. I also related the third eye chakra to recent events on the unit. There was discussion on how " Constant changes without resolution and traumatic events ‘beyond our control’ can cause blocks to his chakra. When we are unable to complete tasks, find closure, and/or plan ahead we begin to lose the desire to do so out of fear of disappointment.” There was also a connection of the third eye to flexibility in viewpoints and opinions. I related this a to the chakra of the third eye coming up frequently on my unit. Many of my patients have experienced great childhood trauma and continue to be traumatized by being institutionalized. Many of my patients show rigidity in thought regarding cases which led to them being sent to the state hospital. They have difficulty looking at other viewpoints about their alleged charges which makes sense as it is the truth they share and their experience is true, and some of the events they learn in their police reports they don’t agree with. I thought this was an interesting correlation and it made me think further into this.

I chose to just observe the movement sequence as my body needs more rest recently. I find it beneficial to see how you link together movements and integrate a trauma informed approach to the work. I learn best by engaging and observing and I appreciate the opportunity to do that in these modules.