9/21/23 Live Session Recording

I love to end with a dare - a dare to myself to "create a sustainable and loving relationship with myself." This recording felt so serendipitous to my life in so many ways. I have recently been asked to be a facilitator in my community for a series called "train the trainer," that is put on by Seattle Parks and Rec to provide extracurricular opportunities for youth ages 15-21 who are attending underfunded schools or living within underfunded communities. I have been flipping through the PYP Youth Resources page and have been thinking about how I can both empower myself in this opportunity as well as this community. This opportunity came after I was intentional about "letting go" some other obligations in my life so while I feel a bit in over my head, I also feel this is a great opportunity to both honor where I am in my journey and to serve directly in my community. 

I am particularly drawn towards working with youth because I am in awe of how a young mind works and I get fired up about the idea of having a future where youth were empowered throughout all stages of life. I also feel very called and in tune with weaving in elements of play into life and youth inspire me to do so. I have been working with some of the tools Nicole shared in a movement class I teach for kindergarteners such as "setting up participation," "integrating games," and "encouraging compassion, exploration" Recently, I have been reflecting on what I enjoyed doing as a child and how the systems (particularly public school in NC) seemingly erased the qualities of my being that made me feel most alive and then punished me for not being focused, not feeling supported in a classroom, etc. 

This month has been the first time this year that my whole self has felt open to really engaging and working with this material both on and off paper / mat. I've spent so much of this year trying to get through each day, knowing that the practice of yoga has always been a self healing modality I turn towards when no one is looking. I am practicing compassion for myself with the pace I am going and simultaneously, I feel excited that I feel ready to digest and process new information while simultaneously facilitating in service to my community. 

Svadyaya is so supportive to me right now. I am in the thick of understanding how certain stages of my life are telling of what I am experiencing / thinking / doing today and while this all feels deep, and hard, and expansive - our lessons on Svadyaya actually made me feel validated in the pace at which I have been moving through the world in response to grief and trauma amongst other things.

One question on the slide deck I starred a billion times was "Who am I in relationships?" Curious what will become of using this as a supportive prompt. 

Oooooh this class was a doozy! It warmed my heart to see and hear from everyone in the class that I've missed so much over the last few weeks.

I was moved by the start of the class with Nicole and considering the significance and challenges of working with youth. For several years I led a mindfulness workshop at a village for transitional aged youth in Oakland and it was formative and powerful and also SO challenging. This session helped me situate that experience and see the ways in which I was entering the space with an expectation of them to function like non-traumatized adults, rather than vulnerable youngsters in the midst of a brainstorm (can’t wait to check that book out!). They were distracted and impulsive and every conversation unraveled into whatever the loudest and most dysregulated person wanted to talk about. Facilitation is a skill that I am definitely still developing, and I also wonder how I was entering that space with a specific expectation of those kids that wasn’t helpful or skillful. I am deeply called to work with youth and also have fear of how vulnerable and freshly hurt kids and young adults can be. I am very interested in studying more about how to serve youth skillfully and in a way that is respectful and appropriate for their needs.

I LOVED hearing everyone’s proposal for yoga-play sessions for working with youth. I can’t wait to start incorporating more silliness in to my facilitation!

I loved the conversation about touch in facilitation and was also left deeply saddened. As a dancer, particularly as a contact improve dancer, I believe deeply in the need for and power of human touch. Particularly with men who are so deprived of anything other than violent or sexual physical contact, I believe that human touch can be deeply healing and needed to unravel these harmful divisions and systems. In the facilitation work I do in California prisons – particularly in max-security facilities-, I am always heartbroken to hear that people experiencing incarceration go weeks or months without human contact. As volunteers, we will be immediately removed from our programs if we touch a participant. And I also heard your message so clearly Jen, that this practice is about cultivating the ability to sooth and heal oneself. At my studio in Berkeley, we have cards that people can grab on the way in that say “Yes, I want to be offered hands-on adjustments” or “No, thank you”, and teachers will check in before offering an adjustment, even if the student has an affirmative card. But that is such a specific setting, predicated on a whole host of assumptions, and in the facilities I want to work in, none of those assumptions can safely be made. I ultimately want to ensure that every student I work will can rest in dignity, respect, and comfort, and is cultivating their own life-long capacity to self-soothe.

This lecture had some very deep conversations, and while I was happy to be a part of them virtually, part of me wishes I could have been there in person.

As a dance/movement therapist, I have found that my forensic patients love chances to play games and connect with their inner child. I have brought in parachutes, buddy bands, and so much more and every time I can see the joy that arises in the room. While I do not see myself working with incarcerated youth, I was thankful to see Nicole’s take on yoga and games in this setting. I have been sitting with this idea of how-to bring play to my adult patients. I believe Yogi Says is something my patients would find comfortable and accessible. I am also thinking of a way to create a game with a deck of cards. Each card could represent a different pose and length that the pose would be held, and each person could be involved by picking a card and sharing it with the group. I have done something like this at my gym but with warm up exercises. I looked up some ideas online and saw that some folks play Yoga Red Light, Green Light. This involves participants to start on one end and attempt to get to their mat at the other side of the room by moving through yoga poses as one participant says green light (go) or red light (stop). I believe this would be great for kids and for adults as it provides autonomy for the one saying red or green light and the other participants learn how to modulate energy and pause. I also think another game that can be utilized are yoga dice allowing participants to have a say (or roll) in the sequence for the day.

The conversation on touch in this lecture was so important and can be a difficult topic. While I think there can be use of therapeutic touch in some environments, in forensic environments touch is usually very discouraged. I appreciated the sharing of the offensive and uncomfortable feelings coming from consensual touch or touch even with props as touch can be difficult for many. I really resonate with the concept of trauma informed yoga as I have experienced my own trauma that lives in my body. I do have a hard time saying no and really reflected on the idea that touch can come from the facilitator from a place of healing and helping, but that we don’t know the participant’s experiences, how the touch can impact them, and if they have the ability to say no if asked for consent. In my facility and I am sure in other forensic environments, my patients are not allowed to say no frequently. There are cases in which medications have even been court ordered and they cannot refuse these either. In an environment in which a person has little choice or ability to say no, I can see why touch is not used.

I loved the question regarding what to do when a patient is asking for touch in a forensic facility. This idea sits differently with me as I do work with individuals who have physically harmed others and have caused harm to others in ways that I was harmed. Many times people in forensic facilities are denied the right to heterosexual relationships so working on an all-male unit, there are times in which there is an oversexualization or attempting to touch me in inappropriate ways. I have learned in this job how to have strong boundaries and how to reinforce them. I believe showing that we have boundaries can be therapeutic for patients as people may have had their boundaries violated or have invaded other’s boundaries. For my own safety, I do not hug, and I do not use touch in groups. I aim to provide my male patients tools for self-soothing, provide patients a sense of agency, and help patients notice sensations within their body.

I believe self-study is vitally important. Without understanding ourselves, we will have difficulty relating to others. Being told I am the most important person in the room was very uncomfortable as I have been socialized as a woman and to put others first and because I am in a field where I take care of others. I have always been a people pleaser and really related to Karen sharing that she did not know who she was because she wanted to make others happy as this was my experience too. I believe when I began to do my own work is when I began to understand my own mental health better. I think this is an area that is always changing as we are continually growing. If we grow and change, we must continue to explore ourselves and continue this self-study.

I loved the game of yogi, says. It may also be a great way to teach yoga poses to a new group of kids.  I could begin with three poses and add on one or two each session.  I like the idea of allowing kids back in to try again after a minute or two of being out, especially for younger kids.  I also really loved the yoga zoo that was demonstrated in class.  The sequence cat/cow, dog wagging their tail, bird dog, crow, and eagle with the accompanying noises.  I cannot do a good crow myself, but I may improve.  The Chi Gong Gong-inspired Warrior 1 gathering and passing an energy ball also sounds nice.  I know I have chosen someone else ideas, but they were the best ideas I could think of and such good ideas. 

Regarding touch, it is an additional scope of practice beyond what I have learned in trauma-informed yoga, and I would not be comfortable using it unless, as Jen said, I had some additional training specific to that. There was a proven protocol in place.  I could see, especially in jails and prisons, that touch could feel like an additional violation while already having lost freedom in so many other ways.

Svadhyaya, the pursuit of oneness with self and the continuing evaluation of self or introspection.  It is interesting to place this idea next to the idea of putting yourself first in line with this idea, although to improve oneself, it does take putting oneself first in a big way.  It’s a difficult idea, especially being a woman/wife/mother within society.  There are many messages on different levels and from different sources that do not support that idea, and so doing something like that takes a bit of thought and purposefulness.