1. The stories in this forum are personable, informative and inspiring. Thank you for sharing them. In my case, I was born overseas during a time of war. My father, a soldier, was White, working class, and from the Midwest. He met my mother who is Asian and from a poor village. They had me when they were both very young. After learning more trauma and living on this planet for a good bit now, I believe both my parents suffered a good deal of trauma before and after they met and from their respective races and tribes. And, thus, some of that naturally passed on to me to include their ideas about race and class. Being White and Asian, is rare. As hard as I tried, I never felt accepted by either tribe and so I constantly sought outside validation. To survive, I decided or it was decided for me to try to be mostly White. In enough ways, I not only survived but I even thrived. But at a price, because the the White tribes that I aligned with were of the kind to not always treat minorities well or fairly. Ironic, since I am biracial. After some higher education in and out of the books, I grew up and started to become more aware of the illusion of race and the not so great related tribalism. I now believe being White and Asian is such a rare life gift, because I've decided to cast aside the White supremacy script and relate and treat much better those considered "least among us" to include minorities and the poor. I've come to learn and accept that Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Native Americans and yes, Whites, have all experienced all manner of trauma, even generational, and carry it with them in their bodies and in their children's bodies. Even though I embrace who I am and don't seek outside validation as my be all (a work in progress). It is going to take me years and even lifetimes to heal my body as in the trauma I carry from my years spent denying my Asian heritage and for treating non-White people not always the best. I'm also a veteran that has served overseas. After I completed my service, I had some healing to do. I finally developed more skillful practices to be a better human and thus be in service to other humans: MBSR, meditation, martial arts (slanted towards self-defense), yoga, spirituality and close friendships with special people in my life on the narrow path of self-improvement and raising their consciousness. I'm learning, slowly. These things also help me in my professional life within the criminal justice system. As a hybrid law enforcement officer, I know a little bit about the body trauma for police. No all officers act this way, but I believe many officers act from a place of generational trauma and fear. Add to that base, their historically deficient and unskillful training and education, especially safety training, their closed culture and their fascination with the military and we have the attendant results to include systemic racism, excessive force, corruption and rare instances of accountability. And none of them, us, are talking about this. It's taboo to criticize each other. If not for the other law enforcement professionals that are quietly doing heroic acts of professionalism and public service and without the trauma and racism, we'd see much worse. And "we the people" have too often left law enforcement to their own devices too much. It's not all doom and gloom. There's progress in holding some officers accountable for their crimes, training reforms, sentencing reforms and using a medical approach or validated drug courts to offer alternate programs to addicts; to name a few initiatives.
2. After completing the body practices in Chapter 2, I am reminded how quickly and organically I can get out of my thinking which a good bit of it is trauma related and return to my body where I can release or begin to release the trauma in a healthier manner. And we a group of people gather to do these practices, we send out to each other and the world healing energy.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
In my country there is a phenomenon that has been called "pigmentocracy" and it has to do with how skin color influences opportunities, aspirations, acceptance and social mobility. The lighter your skin tone is, the better treatment you receive and the greater opportunities you have. It is ultimately a form of discrimination, classism and racism. From a very young age I discovered that although my skin tone did not make me the target of generalized discrimination, it did prevent me from belonging to certain groups and participating in certain dynamics. The truth is that this "pigmentocracy" is very normalized in Mexico and that makes it possible to make invisible the injustices suffered by bodies with light complexions. Another very normal aspect in Mexico is the general distrust of the police forces. In the event of problems, it is difficult to think of going to the police, but they are also severely punished and precarious forces. I cannot specifically trace the moment in which I learned that one should not trust the police, but I do remember that it was not until I started going to university that I began to reflect on the injustices and precariousness to which they are subjected.
Q: Complete the body practices in Ch. 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
I am always grateful for the opportunity to have tools that bring me to the "here and now", we have normalized the disconnection with our body and we do not understand the eloquent way in which it expresses fears, joys and needs. So although at first it is difficult for me, I gradually manage to reconnect.
There has always been a feeling of importance in our society towards white bodies and I sensed this in my body. As a child, I couldn’t listen in history class about black bodies being used as slaves. It felt so wrong and painful in my body to misuse, abuse and destroy human lives just because someone’s skin color is different. I have always admired people of color and felt intrigued by their beauty. I wished to be black, as if that were a possibility later in life. When I see one black person in a sea of white people, I wonder if the person of color feels safe in their body. I have always felt afraid in the presence of authority. Over and over, I’ve seen police bodies misuse their power. I get anxious and nervous when I see a police car or if I’m stopped while driving. I consistently use cruise control and yet I am still nervous when I see a cop car. I have been strong armed by the police in the past and I still don’t trust them, even less if they are white men. Most of my perpetrators were white men.
During the first body practice, I felt both joy (in my gut) and fear (in my jaw). The joy was the thought of people coming together and finding peace. The fear was the thought of people becoming violent with more hatred towards black people. The current state of our society is extremely divisive. It’s painful and frightening to think of things getting worse for black people or anyone that is not a white, heterosexual man. When the author, Resmaa Menakem asks the reader to “notice what your body experiences inside your clothing, pay attention to where your body touches your underwear” I felt activated. It was a shock to my nervous system honestly. Too personal of a description for me and I’m not sure why this is of any importance to write. It sounds perverted. As I followed along with the exercise, I had tightness in my forehead, my eyes felt tired, and there was a lump in my throat, the rest of my body is relaxed. When Resmaa writes, “Your sphincter?” I am alarmed again and I feel like I don’t know what’s coming next even though so far his writing has been intriguing, I’m following along and I feel as though I have a deep understanding. I do not understand why these certain words like underwear and sphincter have to be mentioned, maybe he will elaborate on that. I understand that it’s important to feel our own body sensations to possibly feel in touch with ourselves or to perhaps feel at peace and whole. I also understand that some words can be activating for some people who have been sexually abused.
During the string exercise, my bubble felt too small, I require more space from people. I have auditory processing disorder (it’s the way my brain processes information) and sensory issues. I feel constricted if anyone is too close to me and I do not enjoy hugs unless it is consensual. My hearing is very sensitive and I need to wear earplugs when there is background noise so that I can focus on the conversation in front of me. If someone is a loud talker, wearing petrochemical fragrances or perfumes or overly excited I have to stand further away. My dog helps me to feel more calm, unless he is barking loudly.
I am someone who practices mindfulness daily, I’m an introspective person who is constantly learning from others and treating others as though I wish to be treated. This exercise was challenging for me given what I’ve already shared. My own daily practice feels much different.
My beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies and police bodies is truly that we are all equal and I can trace this belief back as far as I can remember bc that is how I was raised. I grew up in Southern California as a white girl (half middle eastern though so white-ish brown) in a very diverse neighborhood and school and I literally did not know that racism still existed in America until I was 19 and I moved to the south. Then I saw it first hand and I was shocked! What surprised me was that the racism mostly existed out of pure ignorance and not hate...and that it went both ways. It was very very sad for me I couldn't believe it. As far as police go, my moms first husband was a police officer and so from a young age she spoke to me about the PTSD that cops live with and how they often develop "unique" personality traits bc of it. Now that I am older, I realize it is easy for me, as a white woman to have this idea bc I have not experienced racism towards me the way the average black person does. Now I have seen it everywhere and I also understand ancestral trauma and how it can affect entire racial groups even those who have not personally experience the trauma of racism carry it within them. I see this physically manifested in their build and hair and I understand it. I understand how the trauma that cops have experienced on the job affects them not only physically but in their reactions.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
Q: Complete the body practices in Chapter 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
A: I often find that a lot of USA beauty standards, especially those in more affluent communities, focus on white bodies. Growing up in mostly white environments, I often felt at odds with my body and how different it looked. I think this stemmed from small comments from peers and their parents about my body but also just by observing and growing up in USA culture.
When I think of police bodies, I think of brute force and unresolved trauma with no outlet. I think this has been formed by videos of police brutality, and seeing and hearing about bullies with dreams of being police officers solely so that they could have a gun.
Q: Complete the body practices in Chapter 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
A: It can always feel unsettling to foucs on my body and I often find an immediate desire to focus on something else or dissasociate. But in moments where I feel like I can really sink in, I walk away feeling more present and more capable of dealing with life's challenges.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
A: At the age of 30 I am now, finally, in a space where I feel comfortable to reflect on these topics with complete honesty. Growing up with a black father and a white mother, I always found myself relating more to my dad, but desiring to look more like my mom. White bodies were definitely viewed as being superior and I was working hard to try to replicate the image of beauty that I saw.
I began straightening my hair when I was 8 years old, but even before that, my parents put relaxers in my hair so it could be "easier to manage". No matter how hard I wanted to fit in, there were always reminders I wasn't white. Whether it was someone calling me a mulatto or an Oreo or just bringing up the fact that I'm black. As I began to accept this part of myself, I noticed other people trying to diminish my blackness to make themselves feel more comfortable.
All this to say, I feel a lot and know that I have some beliefs that are stemming from a lens of hurt. White bodies were superior growing up, I hated the parts of me that were clearly black and tried to look different, and it was always clear the police have never been our friends. My dad grew up during segregation and stood on not calling them for anything.
Q: Complete the body practices in Chapter 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
A: It felt relaxing to focus on my breathing. At the same time I could feel tightness in my body - in my shoulders, my underarms, my core, and my groin. It was uncomfortable and my mind wandered at times.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
Q: Complete the body practices in Ch. 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
I remember my aunt asking me if anyone in my school was black. I didn’t even know what that meant so I said no. They let me know that my friend Jason with dark skins was black. I grew up without even a hint of understanding the black experience, or that there even was a black experience. I thought that was noble and good for so long, and that advanced thinking was colorblind, but as I grew and learned to listen to others stories, learned from history and became more open minded I realized in this “colorblind” approach I was missing important understandings of privilege, oppression, justice, fairness, hope, peace, empathy, etc. However, I didn’t come to really understand whiteness until I was well into my adult years. As much as I had grown, I still did see the myself and my part in the story. It felt like something that happened long ago, not something I was a part of, or experiencing. There was also a lot around indigenous, migrant and illegal aliens that was quite toxic in my upbringing. As for police - I idolized them as emblems of what was good and right. I wanted to be the one running to help, to save, to serve and protect. I see things differently now…. It’s complicated as I have to see things through others’s eyes, not just my own.
As a yoga therapist and C-PTSD survivor the practices are exactly what I live to help people with. I’m thankful for more opportunities to learn and better heal my body and to embrace the unhealthy responses in my society. I hope for others, my kids, and the culture to heal - but it is a tough road right now as I feel the communities I was once involved in in perpetuating the stigmatizism, oppression and unwillingness to truely change. A new kind of trauma has come in losing my community. I know it is right, but it is hard to feel so isolated.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
My beliefs about bodies has shifted dramatically as I have spent more time listening and learning from the experiences of others. I also cannot say that those processes are complete, but continue to be in process. For white bodies I have come to understand that there is a lot of historical privilege that has lead to systemic divides in thinking, experiencing, processing how the world works. I think for many white people they don’t even perceive these elements are in place, which is also a part of the privilege that they live with. The privilege not to think about their bodies and how they relate to the world. When they do it is looking into a pit of trauma, but from the side of the perpetrator. This perpetrator induced traumatic stress, is often what causes the fragile reactions that white bodies have in facing these concepts. The thinking is that I am “not racist” and that people should get over it and just focus on more positive things. This avoidance, dissociation, and triggered responses come again from privilege. There is often a sense of getting tired of talking about this issues because it isn’t seen as relevant, but in actuality it is more invasive into their lives than they realize, thank I as a white person realize. I often feel uncomfortable being in a white body these days, but I invite that discomfort because it needs to be felt to be healed, to motivate change in me and how I communicate and teach my own children. I feel like it is only fair for me to be uncomfortable when so many others have had to live with much worse in their experiences. When it comes to black bodies these days, I have confusion about how to act or respond to be a safe person. I admire a lot of black authors, artists, atheletes and leaders, but personally with all I’ve learned I’m not always sure how to act. As for police bodies I have worked alongside police for many years and there was a time when I wanted to pursue that path. I saw them as beacons of heroism and safety, but I have witnessed some terrible things and really feel like there is a lot of unprocessed trauma there and many police have to uphold the values of a very broken and systemic oppression organization.
Q: Complete the body practices in Chapter 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
As a yoga therapist I often use orienting as a part of my one on one sessions with clients. This sense of helping the body be aware of its surroundings, which it will already be doing, but embracing that system and building opportunities to work in safety. It is a good simple and safe practice.