1. The stories in this forum are personable, informative and inspiring. Thank you for sharing them. In my case, I was born overseas during a time of war. My father, a soldier, was White, working class, and from the Midwest. He met my mother who is Asian and from a poor village. They had me when they were both very young. After learning more trauma and living on this planet for a good bit now, I believe both my parents suffered a good deal of trauma before and after they met and from their respective races and tribes. And, thus, some of that naturally passed on to me to include their ideas about race and class. Being White and Asian, is rare. As hard as I tried, I never felt accepted by either tribe and so I constantly sought outside validation. To survive, I decided or it was decided for me to try to be mostly White. In enough ways, I not only survived but I even thrived. But at a price, because the the White tribes that I aligned with were of the kind to not always treat minorities well or fairly. Ironic, since I am biracial. After some higher education in and out of the books, I grew up and started to become more aware of the illusion of race and the not so great related tribalism. I now believe being White and Asian is such a rare life gift, because I've decided to cast aside the White supremacy script and relate and treat much better those considered "least among us" to include minorities and the poor. I've come to learn and accept that Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Native Americans and yes, Whites, have all experienced all manner of trauma, even generational, and carry it with them in their bodies and in their children's bodies. Even though I embrace who I am and don't seek outside validation as my be all (a work in progress). It is going to take me years and even lifetimes to heal my body as in the trauma I carry from my years spent denying my Asian heritage and for treating non-White people not always the best. I'm also a veteran that has served overseas. After I completed my service, I had some healing to do. I finally developed more skillful practices to be a better human and thus be in service to other humans: MBSR, meditation, martial arts (slanted towards self-defense), yoga, spirituality and close friendships with special people in my life on the narrow path of self-improvement and raising their consciousness. I'm learning, slowly. These things also help me in my professional life within the criminal justice system. As a hybrid law enforcement officer, I know a little bit about the body trauma for police. No all officers act this way, but I believe many officers act from a place of generational trauma and fear. Add to that base, their historically deficient and unskillful training and education, especially safety training, their closed culture and their fascination with the military and we have the attendant results to include systemic racism, excessive force, corruption and rare instances of accountability. And none of them, us, are talking about this. It's taboo to criticize each other. If not for the other law enforcement professionals that are quietly doing heroic acts of professionalism and public service and without the trauma and racism, we'd see much worse. And "we the people" have too often left law enforcement to their own devices too much. It's not all doom and gloom. There's progress in holding some officers accountable for their crimes, training reforms, sentencing reforms and using a medical approach or validated drug courts to offer alternate programs to addicts; to name a few initiatives.
2. After completing the body practices in Chapter 2, I am reminded how quickly and organically I can get out of my thinking which a good bit of it is trauma related and return to my body where I can release or begin to release the trauma in a healthier manner. And we a group of people gather to do these practices, we send out to each other and the world healing energy.
Q: Examine your own beliefs about white bodies, Black bodies, and police bodies. Can you trace the beginning of these beliefs? How does your existence in your body impact your beliefs about other bodies?
In my country there is a phenomenon that has been called "pigmentocracy" and it has to do with how skin color influences opportunities, aspirations, acceptance and social mobility. The lighter your skin tone is, the better treatment you receive and the greater opportunities you have. It is ultimately a form of discrimination, classism and racism. From a very young age I discovered that although my skin tone did not make me the target of generalized discrimination, it did prevent me from belonging to certain groups and participating in certain dynamics. The truth is that this "pigmentocracy" is very normalized in Mexico and that makes it possible to make invisible the injustices suffered by bodies with light complexions. Another very normal aspect in Mexico is the general distrust of the police forces. In the event of problems, it is difficult to think of going to the police, but they are also severely punished and precarious forces. I cannot specifically trace the moment in which I learned that one should not trust the police, but I do remember that it was not until I started going to university that I began to reflect on the injustices and precariousness to which they are subjected.
Q: Complete the body practices in Ch. 2- what did it feel like to focus on your body sensations?
I am always grateful for the opportunity to have tools that bring me to the "here and now", we have normalized the disconnection with our body and we do not understand the eloquent way in which it expresses fears, joys and needs. So although at first it is difficult for me, I gradually manage to reconnect.
There has always been a feeling of importance in our society towards white bodies and I sensed this in my body. As a child, I couldn’t listen in history class about black bodies being used as slaves. It felt so wrong and painful in my body to misuse, abuse and destroy human lives just because someone’s skin color is different. I have always admired people of color and felt intrigued by their beauty. I wished to be black, as if that were a possibility later in life. When I see one black person in a sea of white people, I wonder if the person of color feels safe in their body. I have always felt afraid in the presence of authority. Over and over, I’ve seen police bodies misuse their power. I get anxious and nervous when I see a police car or if I’m stopped while driving. I consistently use cruise control and yet I am still nervous when I see a cop car. I have been strong armed by the police in the past and I still don’t trust them, even less if they are white men. Most of my perpetrators were white men.
During the first body practice, I felt both joy (in my gut) and fear (in my jaw). The joy was the thought of people coming together and finding peace. The fear was the thought of people becoming violent with more hatred towards black people. The current state of our society is extremely divisive. It’s painful and frightening to think of things getting worse for black people or anyone that is not a white, heterosexual man. When the author, Resmaa Menakem asks the reader to “notice what your body experiences inside your clothing, pay attention to where your body touches your underwear” I felt activated. It was a shock to my nervous system honestly. Too personal of a description for me and I’m not sure why this is of any importance to write. It sounds perverted. As I followed along with the exercise, I had tightness in my forehead, my eyes felt tired, and there was a lump in my throat, the rest of my body is relaxed. When Resmaa writes, “Your sphincter?” I am alarmed again and I feel like I don’t know what’s coming next even though so far his writing has been intriguing, I’m following along and I feel as though I have a deep understanding. I do not understand why these certain words like underwear and sphincter have to be mentioned, maybe he will elaborate on that. I understand that it’s important to feel our own body sensations to possibly feel in touch with ourselves or to perhaps feel at peace and whole. I also understand that some words can be activating for some people who have been sexually abused.
During the string exercise, my bubble felt too small, I require more space from people. I have auditory processing disorder (it’s the way my brain processes information) and sensory issues. I feel constricted if anyone is too close to me and I do not enjoy hugs unless it is consensual. My hearing is very sensitive and I need to wear earplugs when there is background noise so that I can focus on the conversation in front of me. If someone is a loud talker, wearing petrochemical fragrances or perfumes or overly excited I have to stand further away. My dog helps me to feel more calm, unless he is barking loudly.
I am someone who practices mindfulness daily, I’m an introspective person who is constantly learning from others and treating others as though I wish to be treated. This exercise was challenging for me given what I’ve already shared. My own daily practice feels much different.