4/18/24 Live Session Recording

I really appreciated Bill’s candidness regarding getting jitters even after leading a practice or giving a presentation for years! During the discussion of the Bhagavad Gita, I thought about so many similarities between this and the texts I read in the Bible as I was growing up as a Christian. Although I do not personally subscribe to any religion any longer, these passages can be applied everywhere. It touches on ideas of hope, struggle, understanding how to behave, and helping others as a selfless act rather than a transactional opportunity.

I enjoy that Bill’s presentation, and this program in general, does not hide or shy away from heavy topics as our society often wants to do. It feels so important to acknowledge the ugly in ourselves rather than pointing it out in others. It brings attention to the incredible complexities of our humanity.

I also really aligned with the discussion of surrendering to circumstances outside ourselves. It’s something I have historically struggled with and has followed me into my career. I want to celebrate the successes of those I supervise and will take on the burden of the blame when they fail. I continue to try and unlearn these behaviors, so I don’t cause my own burnout. Related to listening to your gut instinct, I highly recommend the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker.

I was grateful for Bill's presentation on the Bhavagad Gita and appreciated the background he shared on how he came to the text.  I took a world religions course in college, and though the Bhavagad Gita was included, all I retained was that it is a foundational Hindu text, along with the Vedas & the Upanishads. The course didn't touch on themes or content, and though through my years of practicing asana I have heard references to the Bhavagad Gita, I have never done any of my own reading. The lesson Bill highlighted that stuck with me is the paradox between the nature of reality and self - that we are individual beings [atman] and we are also the universe itself [brahman]. That understanding provided a foundation for Ram Dass' "How to Keep Your Heart Open in Hell."  Wow - what an evocative title!  And the  synchronized illustrations of the video are so captivating, complimenting the complex concepts Dass explains - how we can be present to suffering in humanity at the same time as having an awareness that all is perfect because all forms are interrelated.  This is a rather mind-blowing notion that I feel I have to spend more time reflecting on before expressing a thoughtful reaction.  However, I did feel an embodied reaction to the section about the heart and the mind.  "The heart has no boundaries but the mind says be reasonable."  That leads people to close down their hearts to protect themselves from the immense amount of suffering.  They armor it with their mind.  This speaks loudly to me, and, hearing the calmness of Ram Dass' voice echoing from decades ago, inspires me to take notice of how I allow my mind to shut down my heart in my routines - and, hopefully, begin to allow my heart to take the lead.

Now that we've reached the final Niyama, Ishvara Pranidhana, I understand how 'surrendering' is the final step, and how the other Yamas & Niyamas lead up to this 'release based on trust.' With this understanding, though, it also feels like surrender is unattainable. I felt a connection with Lisa when she shared her reflection about contentment in - that at this point in life, trusting in self & having gratitude isn't possible because she doesn't really know herself.  She only knows herself in relation to how others expect her to be. I have had similar feelings of 'identity crisis' in my 40's, particularly following the major life transitions that came out of the pandemic. I craved escape, but when I was actually had the ability to determine my own path, I was immobilized.  As a mother / daughter / wife / co-worker / manager / supporter, the only ways I knew myself was in relation to how I serve others.  I didn't even know what I liked.  So now, I'm trying to allow time to notice - what do I like?  What do I find fulfilling?  What do I want to learn?  Participating in this course is part of that effort. I have had to divert attention away from other people in my life, which has been challenging to maintain, but I've been disciplined in setting boundaries because I recognized I needed to do something to support my own 'trust in self.'  In my mind, ishvara pranidhana is the ideal of inner peacefulness, where there is no need for boundaries. Though I can't fathom it as a reality, the abstract ideal evokes serenity and is a calming image I will experiment with in my mindfulness practice.