4/6/23 Week 12 Reflections (After Watching the Recording)

The way my self study has been set up these past two weeks, this lesson was right on time! I hate I missed Nicole in our live session this past week. Whew Chile! 🤣  LONG REFLECTION ALERT! 🤪 

My speed today is 85! I left my glasses at home so I really can't clearly see. I flew out the house after I made breakfast which I don't normally get to do. My husband has meetings all day and we are operating through life right now with only one car. This is the reason why I left my glasses because I did not want him to be late while still grabbing my plate to head out the door. I am grateful because I am fed and coffeed, lol. Typing and reading these itty bitty letters is definitely a mini struggle I will have to overcome today.

My super power today is FOCUS. Oh, the irony! 😳 Seeing how I can't see without my glasses at 100%, this is not related to that in any way. I am focused on my goals, my work, and my mission. Focusing on myself and my well being, not in a selfish way. My focus is crystal clear, I can even see my future!

While away in Texas, I had to dig deep into myself and ask myself so many questions because my emotions were tossed around like a rag doll. Let me explain.

Me and this particular friend that I went to help while she battles her 5th recurrence of ovarian cancer, bonded drastically while starting our spiritual journeys. We have known each other over ten years now. We only grew this close over the past 3 years. Our children are one year apart and are friends. With all that being said, our bond (in my eyes) was deeper than any other friend I currently have. Long story short, I cleaned her entire house and cooked for her because she became hypertensive due to the treatment and certain medications they gave her (that she did not need and became a bigger issue). She found something wrong with almost everything I did. I stepped back and thought to myself, OK, understand that she cannot do these things how she wants to do them for herself and it is very frustrating to her (IT IS NOT MY FAULT). Give her grace and do things how she wants them to be done. I took her to the doctor and she had an episode of her blood pressure bottoming out and they gave her new meds and told her she has to eat to take them. Due to chemo and the unnecessary medications she had before, eating was not happening like she desired to. So MOTHER ME tried my best to get her to eat and take her new meds so she could feel better. SHE SCOWLED AT ME, "JUST LEAVE IT ALONE BECAUSE IT'S NOT HAPPENING!" She had never treated me like I was a pest until this trip.

I backed away and gave her space. I went and I cleaned her bathroom and found time to myself and cry to release my feelings being hurt because she had never talked to me this way before. I evaluated my feelings and why I was so affected by the entire experience. Without telling the rest of the story because it got worse, I did not let it destroy our friendship but gave her and me space to process everything. I realized the weight I had been carrying on me for her and I decided to release it. I also realized that my perception of our friendship was just that (MINE) so I completely removed myself from the equation and asked myself if this relationship was healthy for me without making any drastic decisions. Our spiritual bond means everything to me. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and I realized I have a major issue with cutting people off. If you hurt me I can drop you like I never knew you but it is not easy for me to do that because of the bond that we created. My defense systems were down for the count and I felt defeated.

I scurried home to my safe haven and poured my heart out to my husband and he consoled me and helped me see different sides of the situation. I recollected my thoughts on how and why these situations affected me the way that they did and I exercised my breath work the entire way through. I was able to recognize some of my faults and unhealthy coping mechanisms that stem from being hurt often. I allowed myself to process the situations on spot and let my emotions flow without harm to her or me. I noticed how I can result to excess when I am hurt and I retracted from doing so.

This has been another giant step in SELF for the records for me and I am learning that knowing myself is the best gift ever.

Thank you for this space.

Ase' 

I really enjoyed Nicole's presentation! She is a wonderful soul and she helped me tremendously when I began facilitating yoga with the youth. I thought the opener (What's your speed) was great and I plan to use this next week in my session. It allows the group to share how they are feeling to the extent they feel comfortable. I appreciated the piece she emphasized regarding letting the youth see that you are human and imperfect. This is something I learned to embrace with my group. Nicole's approach to her sessions is well-structured and incorporates different aspects to the session (games, movement, discussion). 

Svadhyaya refers to self-study and learning all about ourselves. It's about collecting information to support our growth. This shows up for me in many ways as I reflect back on different experiences I've undergone that taught me life lessons. At the time, I didn't know better. I'm able to be the observer of those situations and use what I've learned to evolve and grow. This is important because we can't be expected to evolve if we aren't study ourselves - the things that make us angry, how we react with that anger, the things that bring us joy, etc. I believe life brings us these experiences for the purpose of growth. And learning about ourselves is never ending, so there is constantly room to learn and grow.  

First off lol my speed is about 70 with me hitting the brakes trying to slow down My super power is integrity at the moment. Nicoles presentation was beautiful and being able to learn how to actually deal with the youth. It seems they do bring out parts of you that may be a little to tense lol. Also learning how to let them have fun with doing yoga and letting them know no one is perfect and that's not the goal for yoga. Even though she was talking about the youth i feel like these perspectives and ideas can be used to a variety of groups.

The study on svadhyaya was aligned once again . I've been doing some deep work on myself to actually return to wholeness and figure out what is possibly blocking me or unbalanced that's preventing me to feel whole. I know that it is a journey because there are so many layers but this was very aligned and pulled back quite a few. I also been dealing with a lot of projections from others so it really helped me come back to me and understand my own personal view of myself.I also was listening to a sound and as you where speaking it was saying something on the lines that you are your being Perfect topic.